| Karlene on 22. Nov 2008 in Susan. |
This Ordinary Day remembers:
Karlene Garinger My brother’s wife, Karlene Garinger, lost a 14-year battle with a killer disease last week. LAM, Lymphangioleiomyomatosis, is a rare disease that affects only women. It is characterized by an unusual type of smooth muscle cell that invades the tissues of the lungs and, over time, creates holes in the lungs, preventing them from providing oxygen to the rest of the body. Two years ago, Karlene received the miracle of a double lung transplant. Three weeks ago, she caught a cold or the flu. As her body fought this minor illness, it went into overdrive and began attacking the lungs as well, resulting in rejection and finally death. The previous two paragraphs don’t begin to capture the fight that Karlene has put up all these years. I wish each of you could have met her and been inspired by her as I was. She was the sister that, as a child, I had always envisioned. This is the eulogy that I delivered at her memorial service on Saturday. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done. — — — I didn’t want to be here today. I’m pretty sure none of us wanted to be here. In fact, I’m pretty mad that we have to be here. When I heard that Karlene was in the hospital, I immediately sat down and prayed. A few days later, I heard that she had been taken off the ventilator and that she was home. My prayers had been answered. But then came the news that she was back in the hospital. That she was back on the ventilator. This time, because I had just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, I sat down and wrote a petition to God. Like the character in the book, this time I didn’t ask that God’s will be done. That’s what I always done in the past. Instead, I asked for what I wanted. I was specific. I wanted Him to give Karlene the strength to fight off this attack on her body once again. I wanted this attack to spur some kind of miraculous healing spree. A friend who had also read the book and I talked. I read the petition to her. Again, like the character in the book, she helped me think of all the people who would want to sign my petition if they could. Ned, Kenna, Nate, Jessica, Doreen, Carl, my mom, Brent and all of his family, my brother Steve and his family, Jeff and Jack, my family… David, Erika and John, Caitlyn, my mom, our family in Michigan: Aunt Jeanette, Ralph, Eric and Beth and their families, Aunt Thyra and Uncle Dick, Rolan and Kevin and their families, my friends Beth Janice, and Debbie…, the list was quite long… and we didn’t even list the people I hadn’t met yet, the lunch ladies, the high tech friends, all of Kenna and Nate’s friends… I knew that all of us would sign a petition to God on Karlene’s behalf. In fact, every time you prayed for Karlene, you were added to the petition. I’m sure of it… We all know how this story ends. And I hurt, and I’m sad, and I’m mad. Karlene officially became a member of our family 25 years ago. Honestly, she became a member of the family before she took the vows and put on the ring. She was forever a part of the family after the months she spent sitting at Ned’s side as he healed after a serious car accident. Karlene became the gentle soul of our family. She was the one at a family reunion who you most wanted to just sit and talk to… she listened so carefully. She told you with her eyes that she really heard what you were saying. She asked questions that told you that what you said mattered to her. She never forgot a birthday or an important date. But Karlene was sometimes hard to be around… she was just so darn perfect. She never yelled at her children (at least not in public). When they were in trouble, she would calmly tell them what was wrong or take them away from everyone… I guess only Nate and Kenna can tell you what happened in those moments. I was never the cool, calm parent that Karlene was. And what I learned from Karlene about giving birthday parties for children… well, let’s just say that the quality of Caitlyn’s birthday parties definitely improved after an idea session with Karlene. And then there was the disease. LAM. The shortness of breath, watching her move slowly as she worked so hard and with little complaint to be a part of everything possible. And there was the day she asked me how she should pick when to die. Should she have the transplant? She should wait longer? The clock starts ticking as soon as you have the transplant, she told me. The average lung transplant patient lives only five years. When should she start that clock? I totally let her down. I had no advice. I cried and she comforted me. She comforted me. Oscar Wilde believed that there are only two tragedies in life: not getting what you pray for and getting it. Actually, our prayers are always being answered. Karlene’s prayers and ours have been answered with a resounding “yes” so many times. We just don’t like to think that “no” is a reasonable response to our very reasonable requests. The deal is this… we don’t like “no”s… in fact we like “no”s from God less than any other no. I guess what we need to remember is that the miracle I asked for, the petition you all signed with your hearts, couldn’t be granted because we had already received it. The miracle was Karlene and the many blessings she brought to each of us. Today, as we reflect, we need to be thanking God for the blessing that was Karlene. We need to remember the ways that she touched each of our lives. She taught us to keep our families close. She taught us about fighting for your life. She taught us how to make the people we love feel important and cherished. We need to contemplate, remember and incorporate these lessons into our own lives and, in doing so, keep her memory alive and with us always. |
17 Responses to “Karlene”Leave a Reply |
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November 22nd, 2008 at 2:06 am
Thanks for sharing that.
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:09 am
For this petition and any other one down the road, you always have me.
(((((hugs))))
jacky
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
and me.
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I’d sign it, Cough. God bless you and yours.
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I’ll gladly sign your petition. All my love. Always.
4. Sam
November 22nd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I’d sign it too.
Love,
Kathleen
November 22nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
And I’ll sign too. Love you, Cough.
November 22nd, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Cough, your story touched my heart. I will sign the petition.
November 22nd, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I’ll sign the petition too. You have my prayers.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:41 pm
All my love and prayers are with your family, Cough. I will sign.
November 23rd, 2008 at 1:45 am
I know this song and the words come so peacefully from God’s lips. As I listen to it, it is as though God is speaking directly towards me giving me comfort and peace in a situation that is so terrible to our eyes.
Do you know you’re a word from heaven?
Do you know you’re a child of God?
Every word sent down from heaven
Will not go back up
Until it has succeeded
In what He sent it to do.
I pray that you could see God reigning down peace on you and your family during this time of pain. I pray that He gives you grace and holds on tight to you through everything. You will be in my prayers. Karlene is a child of God and clearly by reading what you wrote, God made it so obvious what her beautiful word was.
I too will sign the petition.
November 23rd, 2008 at 3:47 am
Susan/Cough,
Please know that my heart and my thoughts are with you. I wish I could do more to offer some sort comfort, but for now, please count my signature among the others on your petition.
Kelly
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Susan,
I only know you through your wonderful writing (and the wonderful things people have written about you here), but know that I would sign your petition.
Katie
November 24th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Dear Susan,
Katie said it all. Although we’ve never met, it still feels like I know you through your writing.
Please know that a candle is burning for you in Hamburg, Germany, and that my name is on that petition.
Christiane
November 24th, 2008 at 9:11 am
a beautiful parting gift to an exemplary life. she would be proud.
December 1st, 2008 at 11:04 am
I’ll sign also. Those were very kind words, beautifully written.
Sincerely,
Margo
December 20th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I just read this & was so touched. I too struggle with the decision to go active or not. God keeps putting it in my heart that it isn’t my time yet. I’m praying for the family & that a miracle cure happens for us women with LAM!! Thanks for sharing this!!