Two years ago, I was ordering a coloring book or something from Amazon.com when I noticed that I could get free two-day shipping if I tried out something called “Amazon Prime.” It was one of those “Try it for 30 days. Risk free!” sort of deals. If you wanted to cancel, you just had to click a button somewhere before 30 days elapsed. If you liked the service, or if you forgot to click the button, you were billed $70 for a year’s worth of “free” two-day shipping. I signed up for the free trial, like a sucker, and then forgot to click the button. I made the most of my mistake and proceeded to use Amazon Prime with gusto. This year I purposefully renewed my subscription.

During the past two years, Amazon Prime has become a staple of my day-to-day life. When my roommates run out of Crystal Lite, instead of writing it on the grocery list, I check out Amazon Prime. When my favorite mechanical pencil broke, the one I used for a four-year engineering degree and a year of teaching, I didn’t go to Office Max or Office Depot or Target. I went to Amazon Prime. When I wanted a digital projector for my classroom, I researched on Cnet.com and then purchased through… Amazon Prime.

The two-day shipping is just so convenient. I order printer refills, T-shirts, movies and, of course, books and they all arrive on my doorsteps two days later. Days that I come home to find those brown boxes with the distinctive Amazon smile logo on the sides are like miniature Christmas Days — my dull gray door does not have the sparkle of a traditional Christmas tree, but it has just as much space underneath its boughs, er… on the steps.

So when it came time for real Christmas shopping, I naturally turned to Amazon Prime and its glorious two-day shipping. I found great deals on board games and books, snacks and movies, shirts and video games. I completed all of my shopping in about two hours. I never had to face Christmas crowds, and I never had to go to the mall. I never even left my house.

While I love, appreciate, embrace, applaud, encourage, laud and enjoy the use of Amazon Prime, I can’t help but question the changes it is orchestrating in me. I had zero interactions with any of the sellers, shippers, packagers, distributors, manufacturers, designers or resource suppliers who took part in the arrival of my Christmas gifts at my door. I had no ownership of the creation of these products and, as a result, felt no responsibility… for safe creation or disposal. Amazon Prime allowed me to consume without thought or reflection.

Some questions that I didn’t ask include: Was the cardboard for my brother’s board game created by child labor? Was it pressed in a plant with adequate ventilation for its workers? Does the plant use toxic chemicals in the paints or the presses? Does it use local water sources to cool machines?

I did not ask these questions because I was blissfully focused on consuming. Amazon Prime has helped me to make consumption completely ordinary, completely expected. It is as if all the things my heart might momentarily desire just magically appear on my doorstep. All I have to do is say that I want them.

I am extremely thankful that Amazon Prime exists, and that I am in a financial position that I can give gifts to people I love. I am grateful that I did not have to travel to the Galleria to shop for gifts. But I want the things I do to have purpose and thought behind them. Just because it is easy for me does not mean it is the best thing in general.

So next year, I am going to think very hard about renewing my Amazon Prime subscription. When I eventually decide to renew it, which I will, I will challenge myself to reflect on whether I actually need the things I am ordering. I will think long and hard about where the things came from, and what my purchase does to support or crush the lives of other people.

I will use the answer to dictate my purchase, taking a small amount of comfort in the fact that my buying habits will help to spur change in the products offered on Amazon. So while I hope that a lot changes in my relationship with Amazon Prime during this next year, one thing will not - I will still smile and skip when I see that smiling box waiting on my doorstep.

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