In my last post, I talked about the joys of driving in Southern California with the windows low and the rock music loud. My friend “Floyd” — whom I congratulate again for getting out of a post-graduate living-with-mom stint in Wichita, Kan., and into the smarter, meaner, bluer and more appropriate-for-him Brooklyn — wrote this, titled “Counterpoint: SoCal ain’t that great.”

He said via Facebook that he had been bored. And I don’t know how often you are bored (if it’s more than rarely, you should be ashamed of yourself), but if what you do with boredom is write something as long and funny as Floyd’s post, well, ennui does wonders for you.

However, in the chance that he was trying to rain on my Pollyanna parade, I respond: You’re a gem, Floyd. Floyd’s piece is a magnum opus of facetious cynicism and over-the-top imagery and even mythological references, for God’s sake (or gods’ sakes HAHAHAHA). I’m an inferior writer and not informed enough to be cynical, so my answer is a plainspoken sunbeam of a tribute, aimed straight at Floyd’s face.

Counter-Counterpoint: Floyd is great

Floyd is smart and well-read. In college, we’d talk about literature sometimes. He almost always knew more than I about writers and books, and had insightful and fascinating things to say about them. This isn’t to say that Floyd makes you feel dumb. He’s engaging enough that no matter how outmatched your wits are, you leave feeling like you made a fantastic contribution to the discussion. He is a gifted conversationalist, if given to rambling. I once watched him conduct a focus group that included a deeply introverted participant, and he coaxed and promoted her one-word answers, then gracefully and mercifully let her be.

Floyd is helpful. I was furiously exchanging e-mails with my dad during election season, and Floyd was one G-chat or text message away when I needed facts, statistics, history or the scoop on recent legislation to answer Dad’s accusation that, say, Barack Obama drinks the blood of puppies. Floyd also once played basketball with three of my siblings while they were visiting and I had to go to a meeting.

Floyd’s opinions are actually supported. He spends a tremendous amount of time reading, making sure that each of his lefty political opinions are well-sourced, thought-through, supported by facts — and that he can roundly cream the opposing viewpoint. Which isn’t to say that he doesn’t have an appreciation for the conservative side — he chuckled and meant it when my Dad said that my family had to go to McDonald’s because the Democrats were waiting to take all their money at Outback Steakhouse.

Which brings me to my final point: Floyd has an outstanding sense of humor. He’ll laugh at taboo stuff, he’s a sucker for puns, he can quip, he can rant, he can mock and he’s a masterful self-deprecator. He can do the smart jokes, throwing in arcane historical references (You wouldn’t believe the ones while he was writing a paper about ancient Rome). I also once heard him say, “Farting will never be not funny.” With all this, he could be That Guy, mowing over everyone’s comments with esoteric or obnoxious jokes. But instead, he’s one of those who laughs a lot. Which means that even if you’re making some lame crack about the gangsters in your neighborhood or how much you ate this weekend, he’ll laugh hard. And that makes you feel great. In this way, Floyd is more of an upper than I’ll ever be.

In another way, he’s a real cynic. So, in closing, a caveat: Even with all your smarts, literary background, helpfulness, education, research and that marvelous humor, Floyd, you ain’t never, ever, ever gonna get me down. I can shine my sunbeam on anything — even you.

One Response to “Natalie goes Pollyanna all over Floyd’s ass”

1. Floyd Says:
   February 10th, 2009 at 12:52 am

   Natalie’s the nicest, greatest person in the world. She’s better than Barack Obama, Superman and Michael Phelps combined. I’ll fight anybody who says differently.

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