The night had been terrible. My little boy was waking up every hour, insisting on sleeping in my bed, but unwilling to give me any room in it. As soon as he’d close his eyes — with his feet, knees and elbows rested uncomfortably on and around my body — his unborn sister would start kicking me big time, and, oh yeah, did I mention the feeling of starvation I experience in the mornings?

What a great holiday, I thought. Just what I needed. No sleep, everyone wanting something from me, while I just want to be left alone. Immediately, I felt guilt creeping up on me. This was not good. Finally, after what felt like hours, I ventured out of bed, luckily not waking up anyone, got myself a hot tea and breakfast, and sat down at the window looking out on the Baltic, wrapped in a blanket. It was 5:30 in the morning, I was ridiculously tired and not a little bit grumpy, but the swans were waking up out on the bay, slowly gliding on the glistening water toward the open sea, majestically carrying their heads on their long, slender necks, bright white against the dawn, greeting me on their way past our house, appeasing my aching body and angry soul.

In hindsight, it could only have been a couple of minutes before everyone else was waking up, but this time looking out on nature, just being, not doing, felt like hours. It replenished my reservoir, regardless of what time it was, how little sleep I’d gotten, what expectations I had brought and been forced to bury.

Life doesn’t go the way you plan it. It simply is your life, at this moment, in this place. You decide what you make of it.

2 Responses to “Holidays”

1. New post on ThisOrdinaryDay « The Mindwheels Says:
   August 26th, 2009 at 2:10 am

   [...] Read on here. [...]

2. Jenna/The Word Cellar Says:
   September 5th, 2009 at 12:30 am

   This was a glimpse into a really lovely moment. Thank you.

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