Exactly three weeks ago — on my dad’s birthday  — I was laid off. I cried a lot that day. Once I got past the kind of crying where you gasp for air (I started freaking out about health insurance), I packed up my cubicle. Coworkers came by, so I distributed glowsticks and crap I had accumulated as door prizes. I offered autographed copies of layouts I had designed, but no one took up my offer. I was able to pawn off an embroidered fleece scarf and a cruise ship that made noises.

After I’d boxed up and labeled two and half years of care packages, letters and free table acquisitions, my coworkers took me out for drinks. At first I refused, insisting that I couldn’t miss my water running class (”I already paid $20 for it! No make up sessions!”). I realized that when I looked back on this day, I would not remember my water running class (even though it happens to be in a church), but the amazing people I’d worked with. I sporadically cried at the bar too, especially when i had to say goodnight to my cubemates. It may sound weird, but despite all the tears (and the cause for them), I had a wonderful night. I could not have felt more loved and supported, even by people I didn’t expect it from.

But as someone deeply rooted in routines and stability, my world didn’t seem like it was mine anymore. A job that had once seemed secure was now nonexistent. I went to barbecues and parties a few days later but didn’t know how to express my situation without a tinge of pain. My career was in limbo, and as a result, my identity was in limbo. I told myself that I would take this situation as an opportunity. One in which I’d really reflect on what I wanted to do in life and what I wanted out of it. I knew this would be a turning point, I just didn’t know where.

While I was reflecting (and watching the entire True Blood series), JetBlue announced a promotion for a month-long travel pass. A pass that already had my name on it since I didn’t have to worry about vacation days or deadlines anymore. A pass that would let me visit some of my favorite cities and discover new ones. I don’t know if the timing of this promotion was a matter of coincidence or me unconsciously willing something magical my way, but a few days later — the night before my birthday — I bought the ticket. I had a twinge of OMG what did I just do, but then I realized I hadn’t felt so happy or at peace since…well, I couldn’t even remember. I knew I did the right thing. I knew it was what I needed.

Two weeks from now I’ll be in Portland. Then I’m off to Puerto Rico where I’ll visit a rain forest. Followed by San Diego to see my sister and San Francisco to see an old room mate. I don’t know much about the Dominican Republic, but I’ll be in Santo Domingo for three nights (ole!). For my two-month mark, I’ll be in Houston to see Sam. Followed by a night in Orlando to catch a flight to meet an old friend in Costa Rica.

Though I’ve always found comfort in the sense of security, right now I’m finding strength in possibility. In the unknown. In realizing that I should do something, even if I don’t know where it will lead me. Being laid off has given me the ability to embrace that uncertainty. And while it’s not the life I’d planned, it’s one I’m now content to live.

7 Responses to “Change of plans”

1. Alice Hill Says:
   August 26th, 2009 at 9:14 am

   Thank you for letting us in on your sadness and also your happiness. We wish you smooth flying and lots of opportunities to consider. Go in peace.

2. kirsten Says:
   August 26th, 2009 at 3:23 pm

   I needed this. Ooooh, how I needed this.

3. Jamie Hergott Says:
   August 26th, 2009 at 4:54 pm

   YOU GO GIRL. Thanks so much for sharing this. I wish you a most happy and safe vacation.

4. trt Says:
   August 27th, 2009 at 9:08 am

   What a turnaround. What an opportunity! Bon voyage!

5. lizzy Says:
   August 29th, 2009 at 7:26 pm

   oh, you adventurous soul!

   i saw that jetblue promotion and my wanderlust longed for me to say yes and buy the ticket. i have no schedules tying me down at the moment but still i am timid. oh, i’m so so so excited for you! for the certain stops and the uncertain ones–for the extraordinary in the everyday–for an unexpected delight in a disappointing time.
   thank you for sharing.

6. Natalie Says:
   August 30th, 2009 at 10:31 am

   “Making the best of it” is a pathetic, weary, pale understatement. How are you so cool?

7. This Ordinary Day » Band-aid bus rides Says:
   September 11th, 2009 at 12:01 am

   [...] in Portland right now, the first stop on my five-week adventure. I came here for the first time a year ago and was able to see just about everything I wanted. This [...]

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