I have never, ever slept well. Not in my whole life.

You may hear legends of angelic babies who sleep through the night. I was not one of them.

At six months old, I decided to stop taking naps altogether, much to the chagrin of my poor mother. She devised segments of “quiet time” wherein I at least had to play quietly in my room, so she could have some time and I could at least learn to chill out.

As a kid, I had frequent insomnia. I remember being seven and eight and awake for two hours after bedtime. The walls of my basement bedroom were decorated with dollhouse wallpaper, which I used as backdrops for made-up stories. The night-light cast shadows that were perfect for shadow puppet performances. And my stuffed animals were frequent characters in complicated plots.

As a teenager, I became obsessed with the problems of the world and tossed and turned while I thought of ways to solve them. Sometimes I came up with great solutions, but more often than not I just couldn’t sleep.

And now, as I’m soon to enter the last year of my twenties, I still can’t sleep. Tonight, ironically, REM cycles evade me because I’m preoccupied with writing this piece. However, my insomnia is seldom productive in the get-relevant-work-accomplished sort of way. It’s more of a stare-at-the-ceiling thing. It can be quite maddening.

My mom assures me this problem will not go away. She and my grandma are both uncontrollable night owls, so possibly it’s hereditary. Grandma is famous for staying up until 3 a.m. Christmas Eve to put finishing touches on gift wrapped packages. At eighty, she still doesn’t sleep.

So that’s what I have to look forward to. A lifetime of insomnia. Maybe it’s a sort of super power. Or maybe it’s just annoying. Maybe it’s part of what makes me a decent writer, or a deep thinker, or an introvert. Like Ione Sky’s character in Dream for an Insomniac, I’m trying to find inspiration in the sleepless hours I frequently encounter after dark.

I could go on, but then I really would never sleep.

One Response to “Sleepless”

1. GD Says:
   September 21st, 2009 at 7:54 am

   I remember coming to see you when you lived in Wyoming and tucking you in bed, olny to be told by your Mother that you would not be asleep for a long time. As a test I checked later and sure enough you were till awake.
   When I have trouble sleeping ( which is not often) because something is on my mind, I think about it for a while then just say to my self..Self. you can’t do anything about it right now, wait until in the morning and then hit it with full force. now go to sleep
   It works for me.. Love you GD

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