Great guy-bonding movies all follow the same scenario.

Girl breaks up with guy. Guy’s buddies take him on an adventure to help him deal. Comedy ensues.

Think Swingers or Old School.

Like these movies, sometimes we need a reminder of why our friends are awesome and loyal, and girlfriends, at least most, come and go.

My girlfriend of about four months broke up with me last Saturday night. She was supposed to come over that night to watch the KU football game with me, but instead she called during the middle of the first quarter and after some small talk, she dropped an “I just don’t think I can do this right now.”

She then went on to tell me how I was perfect and she liked me, and I’m the guy she would want to take home to her parents, BUT she just had too much on her mind and she just couldn’t be in a relationship.

Yeah, it’s not you, it’s me.

My thoughts: Bullshit.

The sad thing is we went through all this two weeks before, when she sent me a text message at 2 a.m. on a Friday night, saying “I don’t think I can do this…”

The … would suggest that I’m leaving something out, but no, that’s how she ended her message, as though I’m supposed to understand …

Apparently, … is how she ends a thought. I usually end a thought with a singular period, but I also don’t break up with someone via text message.

I didn’t respond to this text until Tuesday night. I didn’t think it justified a response. And I was kind of preoccupied with dealing with a broken nose that required surgery that Monday. Yes, she dumped me the same week I broke my nose and my face looked like it was made out of clay.

But on Tuesday when I returned home from surgery, I finally responded to her text and asked her to come over, because I wanted to chat. I was having a High Fidelity moment. Haven’t you always wanted the real truth as to why someone broke up with you?

This was my chance. Too much time had passed to ask this question of girlfriends past without sounding weird (it was even kind of weird in the book and movie). But this was my chance to find out what the hell was wrong with me — or her.

So the next night she came over, and I told her some variation of this: In grownup world, you don’t break up over a text message. Then I asked what in the hell did I do that made you want to end this?

She came back at me with a bunch of excuses, and she said she had made a mistake and wanted to give it another try. I wasn’t expecting this, and for some reason (banging head against keyboard), I decided to give it another shot. My friends, as they should have, told me to proceed with caution. But hey, what’s a good script without some regret?

As it was before the open-ended text, everything was going fine until Saturday night, when I was watching the football game, and my phone rings*, and cue the second unexpected breakup.

*She was evolving. She called me this time.

I got the feeling that she wanted an understanding reply, and she wanted me to say, “Oh, well, I hope we can still be friends.” She actually did drop an, “I still want to be friends,” somewhere in the conversation.

I didn’t feel like being nice, and I was busy watching the football game, so I told her I was watching the game and didn’t have time for this.

Now, once I hung up, this would usually be the time where I would start moping and wondering what’s wrong with me. This would go on for a couple days before I’d finally stop being a wuss and move on. Most girls would probably start eating ice cream (or at least the movie version of girls would do this), and most guys in my situation would probably just drown their sorrows in alcohol alone.

I decided to be proactive and go with what they would do in the movies. This will be my response to breakups from here on out.

I called my buddies, who were already out in Kansas City at a bachelor party, and they said I should come to town to go out with them, and I did. Unfortunately, I had to miss most the game during the 90-minute drive, but I got to drown my sorrows in whiskey while surrounded by good friends.

Comedy, of course, ensued*.

*I’ll save what happened for my future book, or movie.

It was one of the best nights of my summer. By the end of the night, I wasn’t even thinking about the fact that I had been dumped that day, and that wasn’t even because of the alcohol.

The lesson: Never plan on watching a football game with just your girlfriend.

The other lesson, as it would be in the movies, is appreciate your friends. And when one of them gets dumped, take them out for a good time, filled with whiskey, ridiculousness and if you’re Double down Trent, Vegas baby!

One Response to “Moving on”

1. amanda Says:
   September 24th, 2009 at 9:06 am

   Isn’t it amazing how we always try to turn real life into a movie?

   thank the universe for friends.

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