My husband and I like to have people over. One of our favorite things, when the weather affords it, is to gather around the fire pit in our backyard with friends and family while talking and laughing into the night. There’s something completely removed from the mundane routine of life when you are sitting under the stars and sharing hot cups of coffee or cold beers with people who can make you belly laugh for five minutes straight.

Recently, we had two of our couple-friends over for a Mexican dinner. We had tacos, enchiladas, guacamole, chips and salsa and watermelon. We heaped our plates full of food, stuffed ourselves and enjoyed each other’s company around the dining room table. Afterwards, the boys headed outside the start the fire while the girls helped me clean up. We started a pot of coffee, and began collecting camping and folding chairs to take out to the backyard.

Sometimes in the midst of nights like this, I step back and am surprised at the years that have gone by; the people we find ourselves surrounded with; and the ease and subtleness with which adult-life has sprung upon us. Often, I feel I am perpetually 18 years old, even though my life doesn’t reflect it. I sometimes still feel awkward ordering a drink at the bar, partially feeling like I’m not old enough to be sitting there. I sometimes am still surprised to have been married already for almost two years. I sometimes feel the same fears and insecurities I did at 18.

This particular night, I feel like a kid again in a good way. We roast marshmallows, laugh as we accidentally drop them into the fire, and make carefully-constructed s’mores. I feel like a kid again because we are laughing so hard I almost fall out of my camping chair, and because we are telling silly stories and making jokes.

But when things quiet down, one of my friends brightens. She is pregnant, and said she just felt the baby kick. My other friend and I immediately reach over and place our hands on her belly, staying as still as possible, hoping we feel the flutter.

As I look at my beautiful friends, their lovely faces smiling in the light of the fire, focused on a tiny growing life, it hits me again that we are old enough.

We are old enough to start families, to love these babies we haven’t even met yet, to support our friends who are new moms and dads. We are old enough to BE moms and dads. We are old enough start (or end) careers; to be teachers and nurses and doctors and lawyers and writers and business people. We are old enough to plan and save for vacations. We are old enough to have mortgages and cars and 401k’s.

We are old enough to have experienced intense joy and debilitating grief. We are old enough to know life doesn’t always pan out the way we plan. We are old enough to be OK and settled into our lives and to do the best that we can. We are old enough to appreciate the little things.

We are still young enough to dream, but old enough to understand life is more than what we do. It’s who we are and who we love.

3 Responses to “Old enough”

1. Juliane Says:
   September 29th, 2009 at 6:24 am

   Lovely post Jamie… I agree it is all about the people we choose in our lives, and who God places in our path… certainly the most *fun* are those, “people who can make you belly laugh for five minutes straight.” … old enough to still dream… love it.

2. Swirly Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 3:06 pm

   Love this!

3. Posts From the Heart « Be The Change Says:
   October 9th, 2009 at 3:27 am

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